18-year-old lies about which college she's attending to make sure her codependent step-sister doesn't follow her to the same school: 'Mom told me I wasn't thinking of what was best for Charlotte'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jun 9, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Older sisters know the feeling of their younger sister copying them all too well. When I was getting potty trained, my younger sister wanted to take the leap too, despite being a year and a half younger than me. When I did community theater, she followed in my footsteps. I never really had a complex about my younger sister copying me because we were so different. Anything that she copied, she never did in the exact same way. She never insisted that we hang out with each other every day of our lives. We relied on each other in certain social situations, but it never felt like she was overly attached to me. It's developmentally normal for younger siblings to be overly dependent on their older siblings when they're young, but once they reach high school age, this behavior should be addressed and corrected. You can't rely on your sister to be your only friend forever. 

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  • 01

    AITA for lying about where I was going to college so my stepsister wouldn't follow me?

    My mom married her husband Mike when I (18f) was 9. Mike had a daughter called Charlotte who's the same age as me. My mom loved having another girl and Charlotte never had a mom in her life so the two of them bonded super fast and mom was excited to have "almost twins", which is what mom used to call us.
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843

  • The mom in this story never corrected her stepdaughters' overly dependent relationship with her stepsister. Despite being the same age, the 18-year-old clings to her stepsister as if she were a toddler, with their mom/stepmom conspiring to force them to attend the same university so that she doesn't have to step out of her comfort zone. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10515703040
    via Meg Aghamyan (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    Charlotte acts younger than she is, always has. She gets attached and wants to be with someone 24/7 and followed me around the whole time like she was a much younger sibling. She'd do the same with mom too. Mom loved it and would encourage it and she forced me to put up with it. She
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
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    M L 00 00
    via Jude Infantini

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 05
    scolded me regularly when I didn't want to spend time with Charlotte or I was short with her. Mom told me Charlotte was my sister now and I should embrace having someone who loved and wanted me around so bad.
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
  • 06
    I tried to explain to my mom that having Charlotte follow me around and be forced on me 24/7 was making me dislike her and not want to give her a chance. But my mom told me that was a child's wife of thinking about it and 9 year old's are big girls.
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
  • 07
    Then when I tried to talk to mom about it at 12 she told me I was old enough to be mature and loving and to know the true meaning of family is to love and appreciate those who treat us well and Charlotte adored me and would do anything for me. I said that wasn't true because she would not leave me alone. Mom hated that I wanted that.
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
  • 08
    We fought a lot when I was 14 to 16 and then I learned to stop speaking to mom. What sucked most was I could talk to extended family and ask for them to try and talk to mom but it didn't work and my dad's de d so I didn't have another parent to run to.
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
  • 09
    I knew when I was 15 that my mom and Charlotte wanted us to attend college together and they were planning to have us go to the same school. I tried to get Charlotte to understand that we needed the separation and we shouldn't base our schools on each other but she was set on following me. My mom didn't
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
  • 10
    support me either and she made it a big deal that I wanted distance from Charlotte. So when college talk was happening more seriously I lied about where I was applying to. I made sure all the schools I mentioned to mom and Charlotte were pretty far from where I was actually planning to go. Charlotte accepted where she and mom thought I accepted but it wasn't.
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
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    nis MilALNOV
    via Erika Fletcher

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Before graduation I moved into my paternal aunt's house to avoid the backlash that I knew would come. Now the truth is out there and Charlotte's decided she's not going to college at all. My mom is furious and she tried to shame me for the stunt of tearing our family apart. She told me I had a
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
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    lot of making up to do and I told her in reply that I don't regret my decision. I said my only regret is that I was forced to lie. Mom said nobody forced me to lie and I said they did, by giving me no choice but to accept Charlotte following me. I told mom I knew either her or Charlotte would have sabotaged me if I openly applied to a school Charlotte. couldn't attend. Mom told me I
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
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    wasn't thinking of what was best for Charlotte and as an afterthought she said for me. I told her the best thing for Charlotte is no concern of mine. Mom said that wasn't kind and I should be kind.
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
  • 15
    Mom asked my maternal aunt (as in her sister) to talk to me. My aunt did and she told me she understood why I did what I did but I should apologize and at least regret lying a little because | interrupted Charlotte's plans with my actions. I told her I did not
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
  • 16
    want to be in the same college as Charlotte and I didn't want to be in the same state as her. My aunt said it was extreme to feel so strongly about it instead of keeping my distance at college. She told me I lied so easily and could have handled it in a far more mature way. She said
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
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    communication is key. I asked her what good communication was when my mom willingly ignores my communication attempts. Mom was furious when my aunt told her everything I said.
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
  • 18
    I feel like while lying isn't the ideal or a first choice people should use but I feel like I was left with no other choice. Maybe I'm too close to judge this though so I'm asking AITA?
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
  • 19
    Lilpanda21 Mom did Charlotte no favors by coddling Charlotte's neediness and codependency. Sadly OP was right that since mom refused to address the codependency and criticized any attempts at independence that she had no choice but to lie about where to apply for college.
    via u/Lilpanda21
  • 20
    Notably the mom didn't deny OP saying someone would've sabotaged their college choices had they been open and honest. Aunt is naive that if OP and Charlotte attended college together that OP could somehow keep her distance....occasional classes together, room together and how dare OP not eat together and exclude her from activities...
    via u/Lilpanda21
  • 21
    AnimatorEqual2843 OP Exactly. It would be a never-ending issue. Charlotte would try to make sure we were roommates. She would make sure she followed me around and that I couldn't do too much without her. It would be suffocating and I'd have to drop out.
    via u/AnimatorEqual2843
  • 22
    MidiReader Don't tell them or anyone who will tell them where you are going. You'll find Charlotte now has a job/apartment there and yall will 'run into each other' Or be prepared for 'Charlotte only took a gap year, you're established at _ school now, ofc you're rooming with and helping her, right!'
    via u/MidiReader
  • 23
    Icy-Foundation-2333 NTA I a very concerned by the number of parents who let their own children down to support stepchildren it doesn't make sense to me at all ... A bond can't be forced and you deserve to be free and happy stay away from them!
    via u/Icy-Foundation-2333
  • 24
    TheGirlOnFireAndIce I think some people really, really like feeling like the hero character of someone else's story, so since OP was ok already in mom's eyes, she redirected her mothering efforts into saving the newer kid. Sacrificing her relationship with her daughter in the process.
    via u/TheGirlOnFireAndIce
  • 25
    It's kind of a twisted form of perceived selflessness that is usually pretty selfish because it's often more about how they look like the hero than actually doing what's better for the person they want to be seen helping.
    via u/TheGirlOnFireAndIce
  • 26
    You are NTA, OP. The biggest A is your mother, who not only failed you, but failed her stepdaughter by teaching her it's OK to stomp all over other people's boundaries and let her latch onto you instead of encouraging her to develop into her own person.
    via u/TheGirlOnFireAndIce

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Tags

family drama stepmother school university codependent mother sisters stepmom family sister stepsister codependency mom college teenagers siblings raising teens
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